Whew... much torching. Much crafting. Much online ordering. A Christmas elf's work is never done. Except that at this time tomorrow I will
be in the air on the way to Bec and Brian's house, and at least the first stage will be done. Then I can move on to stage two - cookies and
handmade wrapping paper. Why do I do this to myself, you may ask? It's actually a pretty good question. Most years, it's joyful, but
this year I was kind of stressed about it because of my late start. So the real question is why did I do it this year? Some things
did fall by the wayside due to November novelling. My Bay Area buds didn't get cookies, since I'm making them at Bec's this year. In fact,
most of them haven't seen me in two weeks. But once we're all immersed in a sea of goodies--made and/or chosen with love--it all becomes
clear. I love Christmas because it is about doing little things that make the people you love happier. Does that require glitter on
brown paper instead of commercial wrapping paper? No, but it's become a tradition, and that is another part of what I love about this
holiday. Does it require stress? No it does not. Period. So here is my advice to all would-be Christmas elves: What makes us elves are our
shiny spirits, our grins, our laughs, our love. It is not how many cookie tins we can fill, or whether our bows are perfectly centered,
or whether we managed to make Christmas ornaments for everyone (FYI, we didn't this year). So, elves, stop shopping and stressing and worrying
and being generally un-elf-like and go get your Christmas on. That's what our families and friends want. Really.
Now back to my regularly scheduled obsessions...
I'm on track with Nano, at just shy of 30,000 words. This novel-writing thing is fun!! In other news,
Zorina has started a regular Taketina practice group, so I no longer have to drop
big bucks for the full-day sessions. I can get a regular once-a-week practice going, which is fantastic. Not only it is
an amazing spiritual journey, but it's also helping me with my drumming and my zill playing. I was having a lot of trouble
adding zills to my belly dancing (zills are finger cymbals - you play rhythmic patterns on them while you dance). I found out
too late that you should really add zills to your dancing within the first six months. Unfortunately, no one told me that until I had been
dancing for more than a year, so now I am playing catch up trying to get my zilling up to the level of quality that my dancing has
reached. And taketina has helped tremendously. When you do it, you can actually feel new connections and pathways forming in the
rhythmic portions of your brain. My zill playing has improved more since starting taketina than it did in months of practice. Very
cool.
In other news, I turn thirty on Friday. It seems almost anti-climactic. Isn't thirty supposed to be a big deal? Weirdly, it just
isn't. It feels like any other birthday so far, which is better than me sitting home feeling old and miserable. I'm happy to be
thirty. I imagine it's harder on my mom than it is on me. Now she has to have a daughter who is thirty. Heh heh. Hmmm what else?
Oh, pretty big news, it looks like John almost certainly got one of the grants he applied for, so he's excited on the work front and
maybe now he will be able to relax a little. I hope so. Other than that, um, new Angel tonight...
I am officially not on that jury - whew... And John is away this weekend at Neuroscience, so I can really focus on catching
up on those 2 missed days of writing on my novel. (It's starting to sound less silly to my ears, but still pretty silly).
I interrupt this blog entry to tell you that there is a gorgeous very-nearly-full moon out tonight. I am in my office at home
on the computer, and I can only see a small sliver of sky in that direction, but the beautiful white moon is perfectly
centered in the little sliver of window that is not obstructed by the window air conditioner. I must go out and greet it.
Be right back................ OK, I'm back. What is truly astonishing is that, because of a large magnolia tree in my front yard, and
two large trees in my across-the-street neighbors' yards, I can only see the moon from one small specific area in my front
yard. What a wonderful coincidence that I am able to see it from my seat as I write.
OK, enough about that. I have decided, perhaps against my better judgment, to make the in-progress text of my novel
available for people who want to read it. I figure if you're reading my blog, and made it through the hippie-dippie
moon thing just then, chances are you're the right audience in that either (1) you already love me, (2) you like the way I
write enough to read my ramblings here, or (3) you're a hippie-dippie too and will think my novel is cool because it's
about magic. If you love it and can't wait to see what happens next, drop me a note and let me know. If you hate it,
never tell me. Just pretend you never read it. I don't want to know. Got that? Never. tell. me. Oh, and one more
disclaimer, I have never written anything like this before, and NaNoWriMo is all about choosing quantity over quality. I'm
just spewing the words out and trying to get to 50,000 in 30 days. I haven't edited it. There are parts I am not happy
with. There are parts I really like. This process is all about me letting go of all of that and just continuing on. I
can edit later. So without further ado... here it is, a link to my novel in progress [OK, after all that lead-up, I have removed the link.
It was making me too anxious--the idea of people reading what is, even in the best possible world, a first draft of a first novel.
Nano is all about quantity not quality, and I was spending a lot of emotional energy checking that the quality was not too
embarrassing for people to be reading. But if you are dying to read it, or have started it and want to read on, e-mail me and
I'll send you the link.] Oh, one more disclaimer. People who know me well have wondered if I am taking characters from my real experience.
They look for themselves, wonder who the mysterious man is supposed to be, who the heartbreak guy is, which character I am,
etc. Let me clear it up for you. Anyone who knows me at all will see elements of me in Kaylee. But then again, she
forgets to eat, so
there ya go. This is fiction, and none of the characters are copies of my friends or families. You may recognize things
that I've stolen from your life (Saskia, the school across the street from your house, and actually, the layout of your
apartment, come to think of it). But for the most part, it's just coming out of my nutty brain. So no overanalyzing
allowed. OK, that's enough of that. No more typing that doesn't add to my word count.
In an effort to demonstrate that NOTHING is too obsessive for me to try obsessing over, I am doing NaNoWriMo after all.
I have my first 2200 words (50,000 is the goal, for reference) and three main characters introduced:
the protagonist (an obsessive, neurotic mosaic artist, who could that be? hehee),
her sister (so far, just a friendly face who has already left town, but she'll be back for sure), and the mysterious man...
Oh, and a little not-quite-human creature who seems kind of evil. You can read an excerpt on
my NaNoWriMo profile page. Wish me luck!! Now
back to my regularly scheduled jury duty...
Whew... what a long weekend, not in the good sense either. It started out nice... some mellow much-needed relaxing with my
honey. Then I went to a drum circle for the first time on Sunday. I was a little nervous about it, but overall mostly
just excited. But then just as I got there and was about to park, my car broke down. I managed to get into a legal spot,
and actually wound up going in and drumming. The circle was awesome. It was a group I met through Tribe,
so they were all strangers, and it was a little weird at first, but then once we got going, it was a great energy, and very
cool. But then afterwards I had to re-enter the world and deal with my car, which included sitting on a street corner in my
locked car at night in San Francisco for well over an hour. Blech. Then I got a ride all the way down the peninsula with the tow truck
driver (who was mercifully very nice), and then this morning found out it was my alternator, which wound up costing us quite
a bit by the time you include parts and labor. And then straight from the mechanics to... JURY DUTY... And getting assigned
to possibly serve on the jury for a murder trial that will last 6 weeks. So I have to go back on Wednesday to start the jury
selection process, which I understand will probably take the rest of the week, just to find out if I will be chosen for this
jury. Keep your fingers crossed for me... I'd really prefer not to lose 6 weeks to my civic duty, ya know?
In other more interesting news, if I *don't* get selected for this jury, I may try doing NaNoWriMo,
National Novel Writing Month... You try your darnedest to write a full length novel in just a month. Maybe it winds up
being terrible, but you finally crank out that idea you've been holding in your head. Pretty interesting. I doubt I'll be
able to get up to their word minimum in that short a time, but it gives you a goal and makes you stop obsessing about quality and JUST WRITE.
NaNoWriMo will probably lose out to Christmas crafting, but I still find it kind of inspiring and exciting...
Anyway, enough about me... I'm wasting precious words that should be spent on my NOVEL... Hehehe OK, I couldn't say it without
laughing. I think maybe NaNoWriMo is too obsessive even for me. Yes, even for me...
It's been a busy few weeks at work, compounded by the fact that I am working from home because of loud construction noises
happening right above my desk. But things are good. I went to 3 days of the Ta ke ti na advanced teachers exams. The other
teachers were pretty cool, but no one can lead a group like Zorina. She is truly an astonishingly beautiful spirit, and
everyone seemed to be very moved by her sessions. Then this weekend I went to the Bridge School benefit with Jess and Vince, a
concert to benefit, duh, the Bridge School, which is run by Neil Young's wife. So every year, they put on this amazing concert
with all acoustic sets. This year, the Indigo Girls were there... Incubus... Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young... Pearl Jam...
Counting Crows... It was awesome! I really kind of felt like my family should have been there. Indigo Girls are among Bec's
favorites, Incubus is one of Eric's influences... and my dad has always loved CSNY. It's amazing what the addition of Neil
Young does for CSN. I saw just the three of them when I was in High School, and they seems like old men up there. They sat
down during the whole concert, and pretty much played the songs exactly as they sounded on the albums. I remember thinking
that if I wanted to hear them played that way, I could have gone home, listened to the albums, and looked at something more
stimulating than 3 aging rockers sitting on stools. But here they are, years later at this concert, and they seriously rocked.
And it's not just that I'm older so they don't seem as old. Neil Young seemed to give them an energy boost or something.
They closed the evening, and even after some pretty incredible bands, they felt like they had the mojo to wrap up the
concert in style. Hmmm what else is going on with me? Well, not much. As I said, lots of work... so back to work I go!
I am officially pretending that governance of our state has not been bought... and sold to... no, NO I am not talking about that. Ummm
distract distract distract. Ahh, here we go. We saw "Chance" and I posted a review of it in the Joss Whedon tribe on
Tribe.Net,
another friendster-like forum that is better than Friendster for some things, most notably that you join, you guessed it, tribes related to
your various interests. Everything from tattoos, to Joss Whedon, to fine Scotch, to Healthy Food for Lazy People. Each tribe has their own
little discussion world, and if you don't see the tribe you want, make it, and they will come. A great way to "find your people" via
common interests. Aaannnyway, here is the review I wrote:
Has anyone seen Amber Benson's pet movie "Chance"? Stars herself and James Marsters, and also featuring Andy Hallett (minus the faux nose
and chin and green paint) and one of the "wetworks" Watcher guys... She's independently distributing it through www.chancemovie.com.
It got pretty good reviews on IMDB. I just saw it, and it was OK for a first film, given that she was only 24 when she wrote, directed,
and produced it. Not great... Random annoying sequences feauturing some guy playing a guitar with mostly bad lyrics and a way too earnest
look on his face. His first song (during the opening credits) was slightly more interesting (though still too earnest). Upon seeing the
closing credits, we find that that song's lyrics were written by Joss... (what can't the man do??)
Marsters is hot as always... I think he was the best thing about the film. Benson's acting was a little flat, but her outfits were fab.
Hallett is really cute without all that green crap, and looks much younger in his natural state.
Overall, I'd say it's worth seeing if you're as obsessed with James Marsters as I am, or if you enjoy checking out spotty inconsistent
indie films by artists who've yet to mature. Or, you know, if one of your sucka friends pays the bucks for it and you're curious.
Then I re-read that, felt it was kinda harsh, and posted:
I just re-read my review and maybe it's more negative than it needed to be... The film did entertain us for the 100ish minutes we watched it.
The only time we groaned was when guitar guy came on the screen. And the film truly did have some wonderful little gems of moments. My
best analogy is that the short stories it was based on were good, but somehow it didn't translate well into a novel...
I sold my first set of beads!! A fellow beadmaker on Wet Canvas saw this set
in one of the daily showcases and asked about them. She PayPal’d me and I mailed them off to her yesterday. I’m so excited!!
P.S. Pssssst, Firefly fans... Joss is making a
movie. We're so there, oh yeah baby.
Saskia turned me on to this new weird search engine, KartOO. It does your search (using whatever
search engines you like - its default is pretty similar to results you'd get with Google), but what's cool is that it displays the
results visually in kind of blobs with keywords. You can use + or - buttons on the keywords to refine your search, and to expand or
contract various blobs. The results are better for some people than for others... for both me and Jenea, it tends to overemphasize our
PARC experience. But when I search on "Pam Schraedley", I get a big PARC blob, and then a blob with keywords "Stanford, Desmond,
Jenea", which is kinda cool. Jenea comes up as a keyword because she and I are colisted both on the RSL website and as authors on a
paper at PARC. Since those worlds are fairly nonoverlapping, I guess it figured that Jenea and I must be connected in some way... Cool.
They've also just done a lot of things right, like having a basic mode and an expert mode, and having good boolean search including the
"NEAR" link that I approve of, and haven't seen since Alta Vista was the search engine the geeks were using. It won't replace Google,
but it's worth playing with, especially if you're looking for something fairly obscure, like some punchy creative writing your
friend Jenea did in college that you didn't know existed....just for example. Heehee
Last weekend, I had a very fun "bead date" with Adri Van der Loos, the son of one of my coworkers. He is only 14 (almost 15) and has been
lampworking for 2 years--amazing! We had lots of fun trading techniques and I got to try
boro glass for the first time. It was really great! In drumming news, Johnny bought me a drum as an early birthday present, and I
am very excited to get to know my new instrument, with its unique voice and all of its complexity. And in brainless television obsession
news, the movie
Chance is finally available on the website. This is Amber Benson's pet project (who played Tara on
Buffy). At age 24, she wrote, directed, produced, and starred in this film, costarring James Marsters (Spike) and Andy Hallett
(Lorne/the Host). Then they had trouble finding a distributer, so the film languished for several years. I guess they have finally decided
to throw in the towel and let the fans see the finished product, so they are selling overpriced movie posters and then throwing in a
DVD of the movie "for free". It's a little concerning that they couldn't find a distributer for a finished film given the cult following
that Buffy has, so maybe it will suck... but I'm hoping not. I'll let you know when I see it, assuming you're not there with me at Karl's
house for the screening. (Karl hasn't actually confirmed that we can use his house for the screening, but c'mon, it's Karl... he will. heehee)
Did I need another activity? No... no I did not. But, on a whim, I went to a Ta Ke Ti Na workshop
with Zorina, my drum instructor. Seriously, go... If you ever have an opportunity to try
this, just go. It's very hard to describe what's so great about it. The best description
I've heard was when Zorina described it as an awake trance state. There's an element of meditation or trance, but it's also perfectly
challenging a la Cziksentmihalyi flow. It's rhythm, and group energy raising, and private meditation and practice, and music, and dance,
and therapy, and you should just go do it already... A note of warning: part of the process is learning to fail at things. Chances are
very good that you will not be able to hold the rhythm perfectly. But what is really wonderful is that falling out of rhythm is an
integral part of the
experience, rather than being a mistake. You'll need to let go of your ego a little in order to fully experience that. Zorina did an
excellent job of introducing that concept, so if you go to one of her sessions, chances are you won't have any trouble with that part.
But so far, I have not tried it with a different teacher, so I don't know how much of it was her and how much was a global part of the
process. Zorina has a one-day workshop (two 3-hour sessions) on September 20th that I am going to try to attend. There is also a
wonderful opportunity in October... For the first time, the advanced ta ke ti na teacher examinations will be in the States (right near
me--how lucky am I?) If you're in the Bay Area, you can try ta ke ti na with a few different leaders and get a feel for the subtle
differences. I can't wait! If you're not in the Bay Area, you can find ta ke ti na in Boston,
Portland, New
York, Washington State, and elsewhere... Here is a link to a list of qualified ta ke ti na teachers
from all over the world.
I think it's fair to say that I have found a new activity. Ta ke ti na clicked with me in much the same way
that yoga did, but for very different reasons... and also some not-so-different reasons, actually. (I find it interesting that my two
spiritual leaders right now are named Zora and Zorina... what is the universe trying to tell me?) Anyway, enough... just go check it
out, ok?
We're back! Wheeeeeeee..... what a ride. As usual, it's pretty hard to get back into the swing of work, but overall, it was a pretty mellow
year for me on the playa. We only took a handful of pictures, and as usual they can't
really convey the feeling of the place. This year, I was struck, more than in years previous, by the sheer ridiculousness of a bunch of
upper-middle class folks packing up all this crap and schlepping out to the desert to make a city. Carting out gas generators
in order to make blinky so we can all wander around aimlessly and look at it--it's really quite absurd when you think about it. Every time
I started to have a "what's it all about?" moment, I would remember that art is, in many ways, rather pointless and absurd... while simultaneously
being an important vehicle for social awareness, expression, and change. For some reason, this year's Burning Man was very much about
that dichotomy for me. It was also about hanging out with my friends and accepting myself as I am. I can still be fabulous even if I go
to bed before 2am. It's so silly that that was something I had to learn. I look back on my 20's--now almost over--and it seems like
I spent most of them learning hard lessons about things that should have been completely obvious.
Well, it looks like I am going to Burning Man after all. I had pretty much resigned myself to staying home this year, but Jess's
description of her uncle's beach plastic bedecked art car started to make me feel really sad about missing it. I thought, there
are people who collect beach plastic and turn it into art, and people who costume, and people who solder, and people who make powerful
temples out of latticey wood and then burn them so that others can have catharsis, and people who give you marshmallows on a stick when
you're by the fire, and people who quietly make sure everyone
is fed and hydrated, and people who sing for no reason, and people who do yoga naked, and people who will read you a story, and people who
make beautiful things with the sole purpose of giving them away to strangers, and people who fire dance, and people who will take a
polaroid of you
while you wait in the portapotty line, and people who will wash your hair, and people who work for months to make sure the playa is clean
and we can go back the next year, and people who belly dance in shit-kicker boots, and people who want to try a world where love, generosity,
and responsibility win out over greed, fear, and anonymity, and people who turn a van into a giant furry cat, and... and... and... and
people who are my friends who tell me that it wouldn't
be the same without me, and people who welcome me into their camp at the last minute when I haven't shared in the planning... And so I go.
I made an excellent burn night gown out of some fabulous vintage fabric from Genie's Fab Fabrics.
And I hope to practice poi with glow sticks and high powered LEDs so that some day I might fire dance (but even glowy or LED poi is pretty
cool to watch). I had hoped to make some fabulous glass pendants using vaseline glass (which fluoresces), but that
didn't happen. But it's OK. I have a lot to give, not the least of which is the fact that I don't mind cooking on the playa. But mostly,
I am just one more person to add their energy into the swirling, rising, pulsating power that emanates from Black Rock City,
hopefully out into the rest of the world, where it is sorely needed.
Yesterday was our 1st anniversary. I can't believe it has been a year already. We celebrated with a little picnic in our back yard.
We had planned to take our picnic to the beach, but it was such a beautiful day that all of the beaches were packed, so home we went.
It was so romantic and wonderful to just hang out together and celebrate each other and our first year at home. We had a tiny cake
from the bakery that made our wedding cake (rather than eat a freezer-burnt top layer), and some Dom Perignon that a friend got us for
our wedding (yumm!). All in all, a wonderful day. And on Saturday, we painted my studio orange. See those beads dividing the nav bar from
this blog? That orange. It is truly, shockingly, orange. And, of course, utterly fabulous. I can't wait to get it all set up again with
its new fabulousness. Hmm I guess that's all for now...
John and I just got back from a fabulous trip back east to see my sister's house, attend my mom's 50th birthday party (I know, I know--she's so young!!), and
visit with some friends. Lori and Paul's sweet Mackenzie is a dollface--very smiley and adorable. Patrick is doing really well too, and is
amazingly musical. He was playing drums to some instamatic music on his little keyboard thing, and he has shockingly good rhythm. Throughout
our visit, he would come in and say "OK, time to dance", and one of us would have to go in and dance to his musical creations. Very cute. We also
saw Gab, Jim, and Adam, who are all doing great. Adam gets cuter and cuter by the day, and I got to sit near him in the car and play
funny games with the snake beanie baby my mom gave him. I made a necklace for Gaby, and she seems to think I should sell the jewelry I make
with my beads. I'm not sure I'm ready to go there, but maybe soon. Bec and Brian's house is really wonderful. It's cozy and comfortable
and just has a good vibe to it. It's hard for me to put my finger on what gives a house a good vibe, but it's really one of the most
important things I looked for when we were buying our house. My mom's party went really well too. I got to see all of my extended family and
childhood neighbors and meet my mom's coworkers. I think my mom had a great time. OH yeah!! My cousin Jen got engaged! Congrats to her!
I also got a rare chance to hang out with my brother Eric. He and I don't see much of each other, but he came down to Bec's for a
couple of days, and we got to spend some quality time. I really love that
guy. He and I bonded over Tenacious D music... I showed him some yoga, and he introduced me to
Trogdor. All in all, it was an amazing visit. I'm glad to be home though, with my
kitties and my bed and my boring schedule. I actually missed exercising--how exciting is that?? In other news, people are starting to plan for
Burning Man, and it looks like we are probably not going this year, which is kinda sad. We may still rally at the last minute if other folks
in our social circle do, but I'm more of a plan in advance kinda girl, and the last minute thing makes me nervous, so it makes me more
comfortable to imagine that we're *not* going, and then I can be pleasantly surprised if we do wind up making it. Finally, Robert and Saskia
ran away to Hawaii and got themselves hitched of all things!! Very exciting, and I couldn't think of a better match. Yay for them!
Sadly, my plan of spending the long weekend of beadmaking was foiled by my very naughty oxygen tank. It pooped out at about 7pm on Thursday
night--too late for any of the welding supply places to be open, and just before a long weekend of everything being closed. Quite a bummer.
I wound up buying another oxy tank on Monday so that I won't be left high and dry (high and deoxygenated?) next time. It was probably for the
best since Johnny came home on Friday night and we got to spend the weekend hanging out instead of me being at the torch all weekend. I
have also started yet another activity--African drumming. My Wednesday night belly dance classes have live drumming with Zorina and her students
from Village Heartbeat. At solstice this year, I danced with Azar's group for Zorina's students' "recital"
(that's their word--I would probably have called it something else). I was really moved by Zorina's invocation and
her attitude towards drumming and dance. She also reminds me very strongly of my mother's mother's family (the Stiglich's), which is the
part of the family I think a lot of my power and mojo comes from, so I feel like there's a deeper connection there than there would
otherwise be. So I signed up for her Summer Intensive for beginners--one month of once-a-week drumming for 3 hours at a sitting.
Last night was my first
class, and I loved it. It was very trancelike, and just felt so oddly natural and right. I swear I could have stayed all
night. It wasn't until afterwards when I tried to put my rings back on and realized my hands were really
swollen that I figured out why it was only 3 hours, and my hands keep reminding me today to take it slow at first. I come by my serial
obsessions naturally (hi, Mom), but unlike most people I know, I have the bad habit of holding on to the old obsessions and getting new ones
too, so my life is getting a little too full. I have cut down to 3 belly dance classes a week, and sometimes only 2, and yoga is down
to once or twice a week. Weekly circle dance has fallen by the wayside (Berkeley is just really far away!) but we're still going to go
to Howard's circle dance once a month. He's my fave anyway--he does the dances that really speak to me. Beadmaking is sporadic--sometimes
once a week, sometimes more. I feel like there are so many things I want to do that there isn't enough time in the day! But I think this
drumming thing might stick. Dancing is great exercise, and I will continue to do it for that reason (and lots of other reasons), but I am
never going to be a very charismatic dancer, and even to very trancelike music, I have a hard time letting go of self-consciousness when I
dance. I fell naturally into the drumming in a way that has never happened to me with dance, so I have a feeling that I might really find
some good stuff on that side of the music. I find myself really looking forward to exploring it more.
In latest news, I am *obsessed* with WetCanvas.Com. I'm on there every day looking at (and
occasionally posting to) the daily glass art show-and-tells, asking technique questions and learning a ton in the technical forum, and going in on bulk
buys for stuff like Bali silver beads in the lobby. My latest obsession is to learn to make small blown glass vessels so I can make
pretty bubble necklaces (bubbles for grownups). I have also been trying to do the weekly challenges. This week, it is organic/abstract
style beads, which I haven't ever tried before. I like my neatly placed dots and flowy flowers, so making something from glass that
looks like a hunk of agate or whatever will be a challenge for me. I'm also going to try to submit something to
Corina's challenge. The winner (chosen randomly, so that experience level does not play a role)
receives 20 pounds of glass from Frantz Art Glass. She does these pretty regularly, so it's another fun way to think outside of my little
box. Hmmm, what else... John is leaving for Prague on Friday. It's a shame I won't be going with him, but we decided to save the money and
vacation days for our jaunt to see my family. I had a very nice solstice celebration with the Pacifica
circle dancing group. Jenea came with us, and I think she'll become a regular with us for Howard's 3rd Saturday sessions. Yay!
It's been a week of much fun. Last weekend, John and I went up to Jenea's family's beach house near Pt. Reyes
for Jenea's big 3-0. It was gentle, mellow fun--the kind you can only have when there is truly nothing more imporant to
do than relax and be with your friends. Of course, John was our resident documentarian as usual (the closest he comes to relaxing),
so here are some pictures from the weekend. We had a very fun papier mache
session, using balloons as templates. Jenea made a vessel that we used to hold wishes, which were later offered up in smoke to the
ears of whoever or whatever it is that listens for such things. Excellent transitional birthday activity all around, from the shit-pasting
to the ritualisic burning. Speaking of ritualistic burning, Burning Man is coming up faster
than I can quite grasp. It looks like we'll have a fairly small camp this year, which is fine with me. We are just now starting to plan for
a theme camp, and we had better get our butts in gear if we are going to get registered by the deadline, July 1. In other news, John and I
will be heading back east next month, but to Maryland this time, to see
Bec and Brian's new home,
and to celebrate my mom's 50th birthday.
It will be a much-needed family extravaganza. I may even get to see Eric, who becomes more and more elusive as time goes on. Someone
needs to teach that boy how to answer his e-mail. I'm definitely looking forward to the downtime that comes with summer. I'm ready for a
little less craziness and a little more laying about. Oh yeah, I'm ready.
How did it get to be June?
I was tempted to just stop today's entry there, but I guess I'll forge on. In website news, my
links page is getting filled up with goodies. It makes
me happy that my primary distinctions right now are people, art, and dance. When did that happen?
I guess that's what happens when one has a website devoted entirely to one's personal life. If you have
been to my links page, you will know that there is another category--procrastination. I needed a place
for all of the fun sites that people send me, or that I stumble across... thus, the category. The truth is
that the most effective procrastinatorial device for me has been making and maintaining this website and
DrDesmond.Com. But back to the people/art/dance thing... I don't
really think of myself as an artist, or a dancer. Yet somehow, these days, art and dance are the things
that make me feel most myself. Isn't that strange? And I never thought of my family as particularly
creative or artistic, but then I look at myself and my sibs, and we must have been. My sister, Rebecca, is an amazing
painter, and just taught her first painting class for adults this week. My brother, Eric, is a musician and general super-cool guy.
Here is a link to his old band, the BPC's, website.
I don't know who he's performing/hanging out with with these days, but if I find out, rest assured there will
be a link on my links page. And my brother Rob is singing with a symphony orchestra in Hawaii. Then I dig deeper, and
my mom made stained glass lamps when we were little. I ask you, when the hell did she find time to do that with 4 munchkins
pulling at her legs? But somehow she did, and my dad could pick up and play just about any brass instrument that came his way.
And we all took art classes, and dance classes, and gymnastics, and played instruments, and we had no money.
As someone who is spending more than
I care to reveal each week on yoga and belly dance classes, how did they do it? And as someone who is starting to think about
thinking about maybe someday starting my own family, how do I do it too? Because even though I will probably never
make a living with my creative expression, I'm glad and grateful that I have the outlets for that creative ju-ju. I think it makes
me more well-rounded and complete. Oh, and while I'm crediting other people with my current coolness, I'd like to give a shout out (heh)
to my homie Jenea, who taught me that I am allowed to think of the "crafty crap" I do as art, and who, when I said, "I'm really into
glass art, but I would never know how to get started," looked at me like I was a dumb-ass and said, "You take a class." And then my Johnny,
who signed me up for the class, who never batted an eye when I told him how much it cost to set up a glass studio, and who helps me chase the
cats out of the room and keep them away from the kiln, even when he really doesn't want to. *sniff* I'm feeling really mushy and grateful
today for all of the blessings in my life, which brings me back to why "People" is the first category in my links list.
I'm so glad I didn't stop with "How did it get to be June"...
So this past Sunday was the Carnaval parade. It was a hoot, for sure, and fun to get dressed up. But the parade itself went way too fast,
so we wound up running a nontrivial portion of the time. And even when we weren't running, we weren't *really* dancing. If someone had
asked me, "Do you want to get all dressed up and be in San Francisco by 8am on a Sunday and then jog down the hard street in thin sandals
with no support in front of thousands of people?" I might have said no... This was all complicated by the fact that the music that Azar and her
troupe could hear was different from the music behind us that we in the back row were hearing. So we were trying to stay on a beat
we couldn't hear and ignore one that we could. All in all, it's very cool to say "I belly danced in a parade," but
less cool in the actual doing of it. That said, I
think it was a good thing for me to get over any anxiety about public performance, and just do it. And now that my feet and knees are
recovering, it's almost starting to seem like it was fun. Heehee :) Anyway, there are some pictures
here, mostly posed, since we pretty much ran by John and all my people who
came to see me. If I do decide to do it again next year, we're going to ask Azar if John can walk alongside us and videotape so there will
be better documentation. The best video segments would probably be pre-parade when we were all hanging out in the staging area dancing
to whatever music went by on the floats. We were all fresh and excited and having a grand ol' time shaking our thangs to everything from
marching bands to salsa.
There was an article in yesterday's
New York Times Style Section on the perils of blogging, most notably writing personal information
about someone and then having them stumble across your blog. NYTimes style, wow... I haven't felt this hip and fabulous since
they ran an article on the coolness of crockpots.
In the transfer from psych to pamarama, my "news" page has been renamed a blog. It was always a blog, but
there wasn't really an established word for this sort of page when I started it. Actually, a look at
the history of blogging will reveal that
that isn't strictly true. It looks like the word blog originated in 1999, the same year I created the "what's new
in my life" link, and Blogger, the leading blog-enabling business was launched a month
*after* my first entry. I recently participated in a study on blogging, which was pretty illuminating. The interviewer asked
obvious questions like "Why do you keep a blog?" which were surprisingly hard to answer. In the end, it came down to a combination
of giving people I don't see as often as I'd like an update on my life, and something vague about "having a voice." I get
this weird thrill when I find out that a random acquaintance, or even a stranger, is reading my blog. That, and I guess I like to
hear myself type. Hey, don't judge me... you're spending your time reading a self-referent blog entry on blogging--how lame is that?
If you've read through this and are still wondering, "What the hell is a BLOG?", here is
Blogger's answer to that question, but keep in mind that Blogger is motivated to be general in their definition so they can
attract more customers. The issue of what constitutes a "real blog" is weirdly political--a fray, I am happy to say, that I have
managed to stay out of. I mean really, there are bigger things in the world to get worked up over than whether I have a fabulous
undiscovered gem of a link in every entry, or whatever.
As for updates, not much new... I'll have more to report next week after the Carnaval parade next Sunday. I have been collecting costume
pieces and borrowing fabulous jewelry (thanks Jenea!), and let me tell you, I think I look friggin cool. I wish I could wear the jeweled
half-turban/headband thingie I put together every day. Tribal/gypsy is a good look for me, although it may be time to dye my hair again...
It has been brought to my attention that I haven't posted an update
here on John's health. Not that I mind people actually e-mailing me
instead of just reading about me, but for those of you for whom this
is the primary Pam-portal, John is doing fine. He is taking a blood
pressure medication that is managing everything. It has the pleasant
side effect of making him more mellow, which is nice. We just got
back from Florida for John's god-daughter's first Communion. It had
been a while since I was at a Catholic mass, and this was a really
nice one. The homily was actually interesting, and the priest seemed
to have good politics. And of course, Madison was lovely in her
pretty white dress.
I learned something about myself playing with the kids--apparently I
am the rough-and-tumble auntie. I wouldn't have guessed it, but I got
quite a workout carrying them around and flinging them onto soft
surfaces. Speaking of workout, I have been upping the belly dancing
practice in preparation for dancing in the Carnaval parade over
Memorial Day weekend. I'm nervous but excited. If you go partway
down this
page to the picture with the caption "Azar and the Dancers of the
Mystic Sun", that (and the next 10 pictures in the album) show the
group I'll be dancing with. Azar is my teacher, and she's
really awesome. I'll be one of the peons (students) in the back
dancing behind Azar and her troupe members. Hopefully no one will
notice if I can't maintain my shimmy walk or whatever. :) It should be
a great time. Anyway, that's the big news right now. I'll post
pictures of that event after it happens. Til then, you'll just have
to use your imagination...
Everything is good on the Pam-front. I have gotten Johnny to agree to
take yoga with me, which will hopefully help with his blood pressure.
Our first class together is tonight, and I'm really excited to share
it with him. I have been doing a lot more beadmaking, and just went through my first tank
of oxygen. Jenea and I have started a project to learn the Tarot, and
are each making our own decks using collage. Here are the cards I have done so far, with
accompanying text that explains the card in general, as well as the
specific symbols I chose for my cards. Bec and Brian close on a house
in Maryland in the next week or something, so that's pretty much all
they're thinking about right now. I can't wait to see it! Lori and
Paul had a sweet baby girl, Mackenzie. Jess and Vince had a sweet
baby girl, Ella. I've gotten to hold Ella a few times, and get my
hormones all revved up. Babies babies everywhere.
Hi all! Just a little update on my (mostly) boring new lifestyle.
I'm taking belly dance again, and a couple of yoga classes. I'm
really into the yoga. It's way better in a class than just doing a
tape by myself. Also, John's Christmas present to me was a 2-day
intensive workshop on making glass beads. The workshop was AMAZING,
and I can't wait to get all of the tools so I can make more at home.
Click here to see my first day's output of
beads. My second day's were still in the kiln when we left, so the
instructor mails them home to us. I was really getting on the
learning curve at that point, and made what I hope is a very cute
monkey-shaped bead, as well as about 10 other cool ones. I'll post
pictures of those too as soon as I get them. In less cool news, John
and I spent the night after we got back from the workshop in the
emergency room. John was having some weird symptoms that turned out
to be quite dangerously high blood pressure. Very scary. It looks
like he's going to be fine, but we're probably going to have a month
of tests and doctor's visits ahead of us while we figure out what
happened and what to do. Hmmm what else? Bec has officially started
looking at houses in Maryland, which is likely to change my Christmas
travel pattern. Lots of people in my world are pregnant, and some are
ready to pop. My mom started classes again towards her B.A. And the
kitties have a new favorite toy--a Chinese yoyo (even better than the laser
pointer). I guess that's all the news on this front. Back to your
regularly scheduled procrastinating...
December 17, 2003
December 1, 2003
I made it. 50,000 words in 30 days (actually 28 days, since I started late). The novel isn't done, but I am going to take a couple of
weeks off to do Christmas crafting and generally detox from spending so much time writing. By the end of the month, I found myself
truly dreading sitting down and opening that file. I was done. I now know that (a) I am capable of writing a novel, (b) I kind of liked it,
and (c) there is no way any sane person can keep up that kind of pace. I have a new sympathy for people like J.K. Rowling and Robert
Jordan who get harrassed for their sequels. There's just no way to make that process go faster. I am very grateful to Chris Baty and NaNoWriMo
for giving me a forum to write my first novel. NaNo rocks. Everyone should do it with me next year.November 19, 2003
November 7, 2003
November 4, 2003
November 3, 2003
October 28, 2003
October 8, 2003
October 7, 2003
September 23, 2003, addendum
September 23, 2003
September 18, 2003
September 10, 2003
September 2, 2003
August 20, 2003
August 11, 2003
August 4, 2003
July 8, 2003
June 24, 2003
June 12, 2003
June 3, 2003
May 27, 2003
May 19, 2003, addendum
May 19, 2003
May 8, 2003
April 2, 2003
January 27, 2003
2002 entries
2000 entries
